A Shooting, And Something Strange

I woke up late on the 24th, and I hadn’t been on any kind of social media that day. The first time I heard about it, I was absentmindedly clicking on different live streams to see if anything caught my attention. One of them mentioned a “Tragedy” and I rolled my eyes. I clicked off of it and moved on with my day.

I’m an American.

I’m used to this kind of thing, whenever someone mentions a shooting, I think, “Are they talking about the one yesterday, or was there a new one today?”. I haven’t had an emotional response to this kind of thing happening for probably a decade. But as I read about 19 children being slaughtered in their classroom, teardrops crawled down my face. My first thought was, “Why am I crying?”, it was abnormal to me. I’m used to hearing about things like this, thinking, “Well that sucks”, and then moving on with my day. That’s normal. That’s what we’ve gotten used to. And when that thought crossed my mind, I wasn’t just crying anymore. I was angry. The kind of indignant rage that clenches your teeth, tightens your facial muscles, and brings your blood pressure to new heights.

And I’ve been that way ever since

Off and on of course. You can’t maintain that level of outward disgust and anger for very long. It’s been short bursts throughout the days that have gone by. Hearing about the absolute cowardice displayed by the men with guns we teach children to trust and idolize certainly hasn’t helped. Hearing about the multiple 911 calls children playing dead made inside a classroom with an active shooter for over an hour didn’t help. Hearing a child recount her experience slathering herself in her friend’s blood to better blend in with the dead and dying children didn’t help. The ones who survived won’t get over it. That trauma will be burned into their brains for the rest of their lives. But the rest of America will get over it. In a week or two, the next couple of mass shootings, which probably won’t be as bad as this one, will be in the news. We’ll roll our eyes, and move on with our day.

I’ll get over it. And that’s probably what pisses me off the most.

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